Introduction Rule: Start Every Book With An Introduction 1 -- Chapter 1 Rule: Say "Yes" 5 -- Chapter 2 Rule: To Be Shatner, You Must Know Shatner 15 -- Chapter 3 Rule: Busy Is Measured In Units Of Shatner 21 -- First Rule For Turning 80: Just Smile. You're Lucky You Made It 31 -- Chapter 4 Rule: Go West, Young Man. And Leave The Map At Home 35 -- Chapter 5 Rule: Stay Hydrated 45 -- Chapter 6 Rule: It's Good To Bury The Hatchet - So Your Former Costars Won't Find It And Use It On You 51 -- Chapter 7 Rule: Get The Damn Line Right! 61 -- Chapter 8 Rule: Always Have A Spare Set Of Underwear On Hand 71 -- Chapter 9 Rule: Eat What You Kill! (Provided It Doesn't Kill You First!) 77 -- Chapter 10 Rule: If Anyone Asks You To Star In A Movie Shot Entirely In Esperanto. Say "Kiam Kaj Kiel Multa?" 87 -- Chapter 11 Rule: Balls Are Important, But Stones Are Money 95 -- Chapter 12 Rule: You Can Always Find A Good Friend In A White Crowd 105 -- Chapter 13 Rule: Know When To Turn Shatner On, And When To Turn Shatner Off 111 -- Chapter 14 Rule: Grab Life By The (Golden) Throat 121 -- Chapter 15 Rule: Respect The Artistic Process Of Others, Even If Their Process Takes Forever 129 -- Second Rule For Turning 80: Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help 137 -- Chapter 16 Rule: Don't Trust The Facebook 139 -- Chapter 17 Rule: Remember Where You Came From... Eh? 155 -- Chapter 18 Rule: If You Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth, You Might Find More Gifts! 165 -- Chapter 19 Rule: Know Which Conversations Require A Bullet-Proof Vest 173 -- Chapter 20 Rule: Talk Is Cheap - Unless You Can Make Money With A Talk Show 183 -- Chapter 21 Rule: Birds Of A Feather Flock Together. But They Make For Dull Football Parties 191 -- Third Rule For Turning 80: You're Eighty. Say What's On Your Mind 195 -- Chapter 22 Rule: If You Go To The Land Down Under, Thumb It! 203 -- Chapter 23 Rule: Dying Is Easy. Dying On Stage While Doing Comedy Is Easy, Too 213 -- Chapter 24 Rule: Settle For Second Billing Only If The Top-Billed Act Can Beat You Up 221 -- Fourth Rule For Turning 80: Get. Out. Of. Bed 231 -- Chapter 25 Rule: Don't Die. You'll Miss Out On All The Lifetime Achievement Awards 239.